Dear Annie: I am a 64-year-old man with a 54-year-old wife. We have been married for 21 years.

About eight years ago, we moved to Butte, Montana, so that my wife could be the supervisor of her work. It was a better job for her, and I reluctantly agreed to move, even though it almost got me stuck in work and life outside.

We have all drunk alcohol over the years, but with the growth of age and physical health problems, I almost stopped, whether at home or outside and in the city. My wife did the opposite. She used drinking to cope with normal work and life.

Drinking has become commonplace for her, and now most of it is hidden and carried out in private. Of course, she opened a bottle of wine at home in front of me, but she drank a whole bottle or more. I stopped talking because it just caused controversy and problems, so I stopped.

Most drinking is done with wine or liquor hidden in her handbag, clothes box, or hidden in her car. I found wine boxes, empty wine bottles and beer cans in various places around the house. She drinks on the way home from get off work and walks in a brightly lit house, creating a different mood and personality. She put her handbag in the dressing room and drank everything she hid all night.

She even drank at work, went out at lunch, grabbed something to drink until the afternoon, and was already drunk when she got home. She pretends that everything is normal, but I know better.

Through the advice of the Anonymous Alcohol Rehabilitation Association, I have been recording and filming my daily drinking situation. This helped me cope with her daily drunkenness, but now it just grows old.

Although I have told my wife many times that I know what she is doing, she still insists-hiding her drinking and drunkenness almost every day. She usually fainted early on the sofa and then went to sleep, but sometimes she would mess in the kitchen, mess up things, and put things anywhere. I never know what I will find. It's almost like taking care of a small child. It is troublesome to deal with such people because they are drunk.

Our relationship has parted ways, because when I knew she was drunk, I became picky or didn't want to listen to her. I just saw a half-empty bottle of vodka in her bag; she just walked in and complained about the person who worked for her or the other problems she encountered today—this emotion, this drunkenness.

I have talked to her about it. I have asked her many times to stop - or just stop the spirits - and hide many times, but she persisted. I wrote her a letter expressing my concerns about her health and the relationship between us. She said, "Yes, I have a problem, I will stop", but she has never done so.

She tried every means to accuse me and used me as an excuse or reason in some way, but it turned out that they were all stupid. I just don't know what to do. I obviously love her and support her, but as the years passed, my life and health began to suffer. Our life together is very painful, I don't know what to do.

I got advice from the ALANON consultation office and it doesn't look good. What can you say and advise me? Please help me to solve my situation. - Alcohol creates distance

Dear drunkard: Your wife's drinking is out of control. Hiding her wine and keeping secrets will take your situation to the next level. It's a miracle that she didn't kill a man who drunk and drove.

Consider talking to her in the presence of the counselor, where you can express your feelings in a safe, sober space outside of your home.

Another option is to conduct a small intervention with only close friends and family members present. You may not be the only one who misses the woman your wife used to be and wants to see her get the help she needs. Perhaps the reinforcements will explain the seriousness of the situation and remind her of how many people in her corner who only want her to be better.

"Ask me any questions: Dear Annie's Suggestions for a Year" is now available! Annie Lane's debut work-featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family, and etiquette-is available in paperback and e-book format. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Please send your questions about Annie Lane to Dearannie@creators.com.

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